Even the Health Visitor has Parenting Problems

So to carry on from my last post, the boy went into school. For two mornings. This morning I rocked on up to his room and he told me that he wasn't going in.

 

Despite having a good day yesterday and telling me that he liked the unit because he could get his work done, this morning he wanted to return to home school.

 

Except there is no return to home school. I have given away the books, signed him off his courses and all my hopes are pinned on this unit. I want it to work so very desperately. For those two mornings, I relished the school run and seeing other teenagers in their uniforms,  knowing that  I had one too.

 

 I responded by not shouting at him like I used to, but I took away his computer, ranting about how disappointed I was and it was only 3 hours. As I tended to my chickens I moaned to them, why me? How the heck can I inform new parents about bringing up their kids when my boy won't go to school? Some role model I am!

 

Plus , I had just given a whole 15 months to resurrecting him from the depths of his darkest despair to have it all wiped away within two days. My boy felt valued by his family,  he felt loved and listened to, he was starting to enjoy life again, how could we go back to the tantrums, the shouting and my resentment that I had to devote so much energy to him and leave nothing for my girl. It just wasn't fair. But he is my boy at the end of the day, I have to look after him, I am his mother and I have to do what is right by him, me and my family. The whole point of returning to school was so I could have help in educating him with the specialist support from the unit. So I phoned up the unit and told them.

 

Oh my word, I have now come to think of the unit as an oasis in a desert. Tired, battle worn parents arrive at this place to be gently lifted and soothed as they are reassured that they will be listened to.  I am now going to refer to the boys teaching assistant as The Saint, because this lady knows her stuff and she is just so KIND! She half expected the boy to have a wobbly day, he was working so hard emotionally and physically by attending, no wonder he was tired. She wanted him to have a day of rest today and to try again tomorrow. He could have his computer,  we weren't to expect too much from him and due to the fact that he was no longer by my side in the unit, she said she recognised that  they had taken his security blanket away. The Saint totally gets the boy.  According to her, these children have had a long time of not being listened to. I guess with a late diagnosis of Aspergers that the boy had aged 12, it is a long time.  I certainly felt like I was reading the wrong parenting manual where he was concerned.  No wonder the Super Nanny tactics never worked!

 

But even with all of this support and diagnoses, why do I feel as if I am a bad parent if he does not attend school? It's totally crazy. When I home educated I had none of these insecurities except that I was not working so didn't meet society's expectations of me there. Now I am not meeting the education authorities expectations. I guess its a case of the fact that by recognising that I am a bit of a people pleaser and the ensuing anxiety that develops if I am not performing as I should be is going to  be my biggest demon to beat in all of this. I have not slept all week. Every morning I feel sick with nerves until he is in that school. This is the first week, goodness only knows how long it will be before he settles in.

 

 I am forever telling my families to be kind to themselves during troublesome times, to be empathetic towards the child, try and see it from their point of view. I have had a psychiatrist and the head of special needs telling me that the boy was very unwell yet I admit that sometimes I find it difficult to cope when he refuses to do what is asked of him.

 

 The Saint  practises her approach with kindness and compassion. She recognises that the boy and myself are going through an incredibly intense time as we embark on this change. The boy clearly demonstrates that this works best for him. So I need to take a very blinkered approach to life at the moment and accept that being a "good parent" is not about my child's school attendance. It is about listening and responding to his needs so that he will feel more confident in the future. I also need to listen to myself and pile on the loving kindness so that I have the energy to keep being strong for him. I think we have a rocky road ahead of us, but if I start taking the advice that I so eagerly give to my families maybe our path will be a lot smoother.

 

xxxxxx

New direction

Tonight I write wondering how life will be from tomorrow.  Its a big day in the Quirky house as we leave the safe, comfortable routines of home educating and venture back into a school classroom.

Not just any old classroom mind you, it is a specialist provision for autistic children within a secondary school. The boy is the 9th pupil there, the rest are also boys ranging from years 7-10. The ethos is that they access some lessons with their other school peers whilst being supported by specialist teaching staff and having time also to focus on social and interaction skills. The unit is fairly new, they have thought about the challenges that these children face and ways of overcoming them. For example the pupils arrive later and leave earlier to miss the crowds, the homework is completed within the school day in the unit so that their time at home remains interruption free. Even the colour scheme is muted and there is a sensory room for the pupils to use to de sensitise or just have their lunch in.

When we visited a few days ago, we felt that this had been built with the boy in mind. We were already relieved because he had come with us to see it and proceeded to talk to the head and assistant that showed us the unit. He relaxed and commented on how lovely it was. The specialist assistant was just fabulous with him, she didn't patronise him and gained his trust immediately.

The head then asked if the boy could start full time this week. We had been led to believe that there was meant to be a meeting about integrating him very gradually and I queried this too. We also felt that putting the inevitable off wasn't going to gain us anything and that this time round, it could only work in our favour. The boy balked at this however, to the surprise of the teachers,

And there it is, the age old issue of control rearing its unwanted head yet again. The head asked why the boy felt he couldn't start full time and so I for the first time ever stated that there was a control over his time anxiety that stopped a lot of plans from going ahead. The boy agreed with what I said and the specialist assistant totally agreed that this is normal for autism. So we settled on 3 hours a day and building up from there.

All weekend we have watched the boy for any signs that tomorrow s first session will happen or not. I doubt I will sleep tonight. I have already been accused of nagging him as I sang the sun will come out tomorrow from Annie, innocently after hearing it on the girl's ipod. That was a bit of a bad choice I admit!

We have been down this path so many times before, all hopes raised to have him slamming on the brakes that very moment we reach the party, get to the school gate or wake him up on that fateful day. I  have been very conscientious, ensuring that forms and his bag are packed quietly(previous experience of involving him was not pleasent). I told him casually at lunch time what time we would be leaving and reminded him that he will earn a bit extra pocket money this week as a reward. I have thought back to all of the previous advice I have been given, trying to remain nonchalant but inside just feeling obsessed with worry.

If he makes it, well dreams of returning to being a mother whose child attends school and who can therefore work will be achieved. I will be back in Italy so to speak.

If not, well disappointment and fear of what happens next will just raise up and maintain their usual position in my life. The specialist assistant did say as we left that he could leave earlier if he needed to so I can offer him that life line if I am facing refusal tomorrow. I guess I will have to take what he gives and work from there, plus this time round we have help from professionals so hopefully my Italian dream will be achieved in the distant future.

It is so hard not being in control of my life. I always worry about being judged that I can't get him to do the simple act of going to school. Home education has been great, but I am not that way inclined and I need to know that he can separate from me to build his own life. Oh if I could only gaze into 24 hours from now and see the other side!

I will keep you posted. Xxxx

Coping with Loss

Hello everybody and welcome to 2015!

 

Bit of a sad post today, unfortunately events such as the death of a loved one never happen at an appropriate time and we at the quirky house suffered two significant losses over the festive period. I am aware that I have not written a post for quite some time and to be honest as a result of the sad events, I do feel a little less motivated. At this time of year, quite naturally, there are several sites discussing new years resolutions and looking forward, so for those whose Christmas did not bring the joy that is expected, I embrace you and invite you to sit with me awhile.  Thus because this is also a parenting blog, I thought I would concentrate today on helping children cope with the death of a loved one, as until recently, I had no idea as to what to do until the time arrived.

 

So, just before Christmas, my grandfather passed away. It was the same day to a year that his wife, my darling grandmother also died so we found ourselves in similar circumstances for a second Christmas running. Both children were very close to my grandparents. They had spent many a happy time visiting the flat in which they lived. The girl and my grandfather would be in hysterics as they both could not hear very well and would just spend the time shouting "What?" at each other. The boy worshipped him  as a celebrated Naval hero and had planned to take him to the submarine museum in the hope of my Grandfather sharing some exciting stories with him.

 

When the news came that my Grandfather had passed away, I initially had my own feelings of shock and sadness well up before I could even begin to communicate it to anyone else. My children are very perceptive of my moods, so I knew that it would not be long until they would sense that all was not right with the world. I decided to tell each child individually because I knew that the response would be different and I wanted to ensure that I was there for them.

 

Death is not something that is ordinarily discussed in day to day life especially with children as we want to protect them from sadness and fear of our own mortality. The girl has found this particularly hard as she has seen her rabbit die and learnt that this eventually happens to us all. We have always been honest about it with them, using terms such as they stopped breathing, the body doesn't work anymore rather than they fell asleep. The parenting website Netmums has some excellent resources about helping children cope and they suggest that by observing that  flowers wilting and dying in a vase, a young child can begin to understand the cycle of life. The National Autistic Society also advocates this for children with Autism http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/at-home/death-bereavement-and-autism-spectrum-disorders.aspx. The boy especially preferred the natural science behind death in that the body stops working whilst the girl is more visual and understands it if she sees a dead flower or pet.

 

The circumstances that surround the loved one passing away can affect the grieving process. If they have a terminal illness, the child can be perhaps be prepared, again by letting them ask the questions that they feel are most important and answering them honestly. It is also Ok to cry in front of them, you too are sad and explaining why you are sad will ensure that they do not feel that they are to blame.

 

As expected, both children reacted very differently. The boy was very calm which I had anticipated because his emotions always manifest in his behaviour later. This is common in children who are on the autistic spectrum. I kept to his routines and informed him of what would be happening so that he knew what to expect. This is especially important because we are a very expressive household and I didn't want him surprised by mentions of funerals, other people's grief, or me bursting into tears. There is also the change in routine as you support other members of the family to consider. When my grandmother passed away a year ago, my grandfather required a lot of help, so supporting him and my father shifted our familial patterns for a few months afterwards. When my other grandmother died 10 years ago, I was not aware of the boy's difficulties, so threw myself into helping my mother. My friend who looked after him whilst we attended the funeral said that she had never seen him so unsettled. Again it is extremely difficult when you just want to curl up and cry to expend more energy on caring for a child. I guess the strength to go on comes from somewhere, it is never easy. I wholeheartedly recommend that more compassion towards oneself and having that curl up time is absolutely necessary during times like these. He did not want to attend the funeral because he said he wanted to remember Grandpa sitting in his chair asleep with his headphones on rather than seeing a coffin. Bearing in mind that I have a large family and it would mean seeing other people, which he finds difficult at the best of times, I didn't push this.

 

The girl sobbed her little heart out. We lay on my bed and I held her as she cried. She went into school the following day, I thought that she was alright so didn't pre warn the teacher, but she started to sob again and was given time with the emotional support assistants that they have there. We aren't a religious household but the girl has found that it has helped her to think that Grandpa is looking down on us and when she went to a Christmas service with her school, she said a quick hello whilst waiting in the church.

 

I felt that the girl was old enough to attend the funeral with us. She was initially reluctant due to her worries about seeing people crying and the ghoulish scenarios surrounding death that children like to talk about. I told her everything that would happen, the procession into the church, where she would sit, what would be said and how we would leave the coffin there. I dispelled her myths about coffins and reassured her that she would be surrounded by people that love her and would comfort her and that it was Ok to cry. She had a lot of questions about the crematorium which is a difficult concept to explain especially when you are grieving, but my husband was calm and honest with her and she was fine. It helped enormously that another similar age cousin was there as well, so they sat with each other and gave each other support.

 

Then the cat died.

 

He was run over by a car. Thankfully a kind lady took him to the emergency vet and because he was micro chipped we were informed about what had happened to him. So again, we told the children individually what had happened. He was a much loved pet, especially by my son, and even though he was a cat, it  was a significant loss to the family. Thus we are talking a lot about what we are feeling at the moment. My son missed him today sitting on his school work and we are finding it strange that we can leave food out on the work surfaces.

 

Again, Netmums has advice on how to help with the loss of a pet. Euthanasia is discussed too, and the opinion seems to be that it is best to leave the children out of the room until the pet has been put to sleep and then they can see it at peace. They also write that children react in different ways and it is best not to force the subject onto them if they are not ready. The girl prefers the dog, and she stated that she did not feel too sad.  She has been really mature towards me though and protects me from seeing cat food in the shops, which is sweet.

 

The boy is keen that we have a memorial for him, but like myself, he didn't want to bury his body or have his ashes brought home. He did not want that to be his last visual memory of him. Our memorial will be a large catmint bush in his favourite sunny spot with a little plaque. I expect that the girl will write a poem for him and we will say our goodbyes that way.

 

There is a wealth of resources out there to help through these very difficult times. Netmums is especially brilliant because it also discusses bereavements such as that of a parent or a sibling which are particularly difficult. There are also charities such as Winston's Wish which have a range of books that can be shared with the child and have trained counsellors to contact.

 

So it is a little subdued in our house at the moment. I am sure that as time passes, we will adjust to the new routines, but for the moment we are being extra kind to each other. Love as ever will get us through.

 

I hope that you all have a peaceful 2015.

 

Clairexx

 

 

Useful Links:

 

http://www.netmums.com/parenting-support/miscarriage-and-loss/loss-of-a-child/helping-children-cope-with-bereavement

 

http://www.winstonswish.org.uk

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/at-home/death-bereavement-and-autism-spectrum-disorders.aspx

 

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-pet-loss.htm

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas past, present and future

The boy and I have announced the end of Autumn term in education this week. He had completed all of the subjects that we had set, gained fantastic results in his English and Maths coursework and I needed a break. Basically this was to complete all of  the silly little jobs that needed doing in the run up to Christmas, for example ordering the boy's prescription, returning library books and attending some gym classes so that I can stuff myself silly over the holiday period! During my many outings today I noticed a lot of school age children with their parents so maybe they broke up this week too. My poor girl is still at school all week, but I know that at least next week, she and I can enjoy quality time together instead of me  dragging her out here there and everywhere.

Christmas has always been rather peaceful in the quirky household. Despite my being a huge fan of Christmas. Both of my children were scared of Father Christmas so trips to see him were never made because my poor husband would have to go and sit on Santa's knee in their place! He has never been that fussed about decorating the tree or attending parties. Advent calendars required too many skills, remembering to open a door each day and then being physically able to open said door and foil containing the chocolate. I would often have to do it for him and I would often find that by the time Christmas arrived the boy would have several doors left to open because he would not have remembered to do it or asked me.  One key ritual for him started after watching Toy Story, for a few years the boy would call a meeting with his toys to discuss the welcome party for the new toys and where they would go. We  have always been to look at the Christmas model village scene in our local garden centre and then have cake. That is the sum total of his preparations.

 He always went to bed at the usual time and often needed reminding to open his presents on Christmas morning. I guess because presents weren't normally part of our every day routine he didn't think to look for them. He  always enjoyed his presents however. He would play with a toy for an intensely long amount of time before exploring another item. This was generally the cheaper present and I would moan that my lovely expensive presents were going ignored! Nowadays its all about the computer so he's even less sociable than normal. Last year, he was fascinated by a free game that he downloaded and he played this for about six months before starting on the game that I had bought him. It is a bit of a teasing point currently.  He managed all of the other rituals such as Christmas dinner really well. Crackers were also well tolerated but he couldn't ever pull hard enough. When we had had friends over in the evenings he was the one putting his pyjamas on before they had gone home and hinting desperately that he was tired, even if it was his good friend visiting. This is completely opposite to the girl who loved socialising and staying up late.

We watched a programme about Aspergers a few months ago which was incredibly informative. They showed a couple celebrating Christmas, who also stated that they would see relatives for about an hour and that's the socialisation done. The boy hooted with laughter at this and stated that he wished he could do the same. At a time when we all got together with our large, noisy families and spent time with them, he  often struggled. When he was a baby/toddler he would often go upstairs and sleep through it all. I was always puzzled by the fact that when we returned home, he would also want to go in a quiet room for a bit more sleep! My lovely mother in law often used to organise party games which he didn't really enjoy participating in. Bingo was a particular nightmare for him, because he would often read the numbers backwards and the pace of it was too fast for him to find the number before the next one was called out. He then worked out that being the youngest boy, he could tell which prizes had been bought with him in mind so he would just claim them anyway! Last year when he was very depressed, he stayed at home with me and did not see his other grandparents, uncles and aunties.

Luckily for us, our families are very understanding. The boy has always been known to spend time upstairs away from the excitement and this was before a diagnosis or his depression. Since then, it all seems to make sense and I guess there are more allowances made for him now. He is coming with us this year to see family and spend a few days with them. He is nervous about this and has told me that he struggles when the younger ones insist on jumping on him when he is upstairs or if he is invited to play party games. We have talked about how he can distract himself, by taking one of the numerous dogs out for a walk, spending time with a cousin his own age or just coming to find me. When we arrive home, as always I will not plan any events for him for a good few days so that he can recover and enjoy some control back over his routine again.

I think this has been the way of life for so many years now. I wonder what will happen when he is an adult and has moved away from home? Will he come and see me for just an hour? The last year has seen him blossom into someone that is very confident with his loved ones who will  engage in any conversations that  people will initiate with him. Christmas for him will always be peaceful, spent with people that he loves, doing the things that he likes to do and I think that is a truly wonderful way to enjoy this special time of year.

Merry Christmas Everyone! Clairexx

The Power of Touch

The boy has been unwell over the weekend with a cold. He must be feeling it very badly as he even wanted me to cuddle him. Well, it wasn't really a cuddle, he puts his head on my shoulder and I pat him gently on the back.

I really enjoy the opportunity to "cuddle" him because he has never liked any source of physical affection from us. It was very difficult to see my friends babies enjoying a big hug, where they would burrow their faces into their mothers chests and put their arms around them too. When he was a baby, the boy would return from weekends away with the family and be so unsettled that he would need us to pop him into a quiet room to let him sleep it all off. He would find the attention so exhausting.

As he grew older, I would feel rather rejected that he didn't want to cuddle me and I would ask him how could I show him affection. He used to reply that food was a good way, so I have indulged him a lot over the years. He has a very sophisticated palate, good strong cheeses, gentlemen's relish and olives to name but a few tasty morsels.

 As part of my job, I learnt how to teach parents  to massage their babies. This also involved discussing the benefits of massage throughout life. The  boy at the time was being assessed by an occupational therapist who diagnosed sensory processing disorder which had led to the development of the dyspraxia. She started to brush the boy's limbs with a lovely soft brush in order to start de-sensitising him to tactile sensations as he was extremely sensitive to this. We were advised to also do this at home and the boy really took well to it. I then considered using the massage techniques that I had been taught, so started to use firm strokes on his back which he really enjoyed. We made up stories behind the massage, for example Star Wars was a particular favourite whereby the space ship would land on his back and then my fingers would moon walk up and down his spine. Through this I was able to maintain some sense of connection with him that was special and individualised for him.

When he was ill, it was this touch that kept our bond strong. I remember him turning off his computer game without a murmur so that he could have a massage before bedtime. I used lavender oil which really helped him sleep too. It is said that with teenagers particularly, a back rub is a great way to show them that you are there for them during stressful times. Neither of you have to say anything, the massage does that for you. It releases lots of happy hormones in both of you which has a huge benefit on emotional wellbeing.

 Since we started home educating, he is the most affectionate  he has ever been in his life. He will reach out and stroke my back and give lots of smiley eye contact. He has also started to do this with other members of the family too. It is moments like these that I really cherish and make a note of to go in my happy memories because he is now  starting to feed back his feelings towards us. Don't get me wrong, the boy has not been a grumpy tyrant all this time. I have so many photos of a smiling boy,  clearly we have been doing something right for him It is just that these moments of connection between us and within the family demonstrate to me that he is building his own feelings of security and self esteem. You can not underestimate the power of love.

The power of reading around the subject

As I have stated before, I have always read around the subject, mainly due to my Father encouraging me to do this. This I believe has held me in good stead, particularly when liaising with teachers, paediatricians and psychologists about the boy.

One aspect of this that particularly frustrates me is when my knowledge conflicts with that of a professional. Two years ago I would tend to not say anything and doubt what I had read before, returning home to check and find out that there was a discrepancy. This would add to my confusion. To make matters worse I would apply the latest recommendation by the professional to the boy with horrific results. It got to the point where he dreaded me meeting with other people to discuss his behaviour as he never knew what tactics I would be trying next. The main tactic that was generally advised were rewards and the dreaded chart. They never EVER worked and I loathe them. I will talk more about why in another post as today I want to concentrate on how advice can vary widely which adds to our difficulties as parents.

I was visiting a client recently and met another colleague from a different professional background. She had attended training  which discussed the fight flight response in humans and how this affected children with autism. She reported that the adrenaline surge in the body actually prepares the limbs to either run away or lash out at someone. There is also a depletion in oxygen to the brain so there is less rational thought as the energy is directed to the limbs. The consequences of this is that the child will either hit out or run away.

I thought about how this related to my experiences, right from an early age the boy's temper tantrums were long and hard. They were also very physical. There was one incident when we were trying to leave the swimming pool and he created such a noise that my husband thought other people were thinking that the boy was being abducted. Another time, the boy did not want to go to school and was kicking me as I drove the car. Naturally my reaction at the time was to shout at him which of course made the situation a lot worse. When he was diagnosed with dyspraxia, although we were still recommended rewards charts ( I just used to smile and ignore them), we were more aware of triggers that could cause a melt down, and managed a bit better than before.

It's like feeling around in the dark isn't it? Waiting for someone to turn on the light and to then say "Ah yes now I see". That happened to me last week with this colleague. If I had not have met her, I  would till be fumbling. The boy was not being naughty at all, he was so stressed and nobody understood him. How many other children are not being heard?

The main clash was  between myself and an educational psychologist when he started secondary school. Due to the fact that the boy was managing most of the time to keep it together in school she would not diagnose anxiety. She also observed some of his incidents of distress and again dismissed as it being behavioural as he was quick to calm down when he was in a place of safety. Apparently the sobbing did not last long enough for her expertise in this area. A GP, a psychologist all argued that it was anxiety but the school did not listen to them only her.

Some criteria for referrals in children's mental health services dictate that the behaviour needs to be present in two settings for an assessment to be made. I would feel instinctively that the boy did not feel safe to display any emotional distress within school. Instead, as with most children, he would hoard it in  a nice big pile and let go when he got home. I have since read this in books written by experts on Dyspraxia too. It makes me wonder how many more children and young people are suffering due to this criteria. It is not a one size fits all type of condition which is why most of it is regarded as a spectrum.

Our GP was also querying Aspergers when he referred the boy to children's mental health services. (CAMHS). We informed the school of this to be told that it wouldn't make a difference to how they would treat him. It did not help that the person we saw in CAMHs described the boy as being quirky but not Aspergers.

The implications of this was that the behaviour advice was handed out in droves, rewards, special time together, not speaking to him if he did not do as he was told, deprivation of his X box. These kinds of strategies unsurprisingly led to more meltdowns so we were taught how to react non violently to him which involved the suggestion of  him and us signing an agreement that he would go to school ( I also smiled and nodded at that tactic). Interestingly the educational psychologist did not agree with non violence response which added to our confusion as to what we were supposed to be doing. The final offering that was professed to us was  a parenting course ( I again smiled, nodded and later turned that down too.)

When the boy eventually sunk into a depression due to the "non existent anxiety and Aspergers", I got into the driving seat so to speak to sort him out. We saw a private psychiatrist who diagnosed everything that hadn't been, prescribed anti depressants and suggested that I access experts who could help me with the Aspergers side of things. I read and read and to my horror I discovered well known experts on these matters confirming everything that I had thought about the boy. Tony Attwood in particular describes how the cause of the problem for some children is that they can not communicate extreme stress at school, it is not the parent who does not know how to control the child. There goes the two settings theory.

 I know that Health professionals will warn about the dangers of the Internet, I do it myself with the families that I work with . But I also know of the good ones too and it is with this in mind that I have created a page with useful links for you to research too. Time and time again I hear stories of parents struggling to cope with the behaviour of the children and being given inappropriate strategies to manage them. It is crazy that we should become the experts and guide the people from whom we seek advice. I can only liken to it  that being a nurse I am no expert on the inner workings of the heart, but I can talk forever about atopic eczema in children as this is in an interest and necessary for my role as a Health Visitor.

 It is generally first line professionals that parents are referred to when a problem is suspected. Sadly it seems that  the experts are at the top of a tall tree that can only be reached when the child is very unwell. The charity Young Minds are relentless in their campaign to get this changed and it seems that politicians are also now realising that practice has to change for intervention to happen earlier.  However there is absolutely no shame in getting up and turning on that metaphorical light ourselves if we can. The information and advice is out there we just have to reach out and not be afraid to share it with those who are working with us.

Until next time, Clairex

I am not a friend of the earth as I keep falling over on it

The boy is hilarious.

 

Throughout his life he has always had a different view on life, he loved off the wall type stories such as Bob, Man on the Moon and would express the most surreal of statements. He has been recently keeping the teenagers amused at the home education group. I have seen the girls in peels of laughter as he sits there, in all seriousness telling them that NASA plan to launch their rockets using fart power. He maintains its a true story.

 

When I tell him how funny he is, he will often reply that he doesn't mean to be funny. He is just being himself. I remark then that if he doesn't make it in his chosen career of working in IT then comedy will always be there. The comedian Mark Watson reminds us a lot of the boy. There's quite a few of them about.

 

Tony Attwood wrote an article about the discovery of Aspie criteria. This is meant to view Aspergers as an enhanced skill rather than a deficit in social skills. Many great people such as Winston Churchill and Einstein have been attributed as being on the spectrum.  Attwood discusses how the skill for noticing detail, the loyalty and always being honest makes for someone who is dependable and also highly employable too. Attwood concludes that :

 

"The discovery of aspies brings into focus valuable, endangered opportunities that have repeatedly marched past without adequate notice of their potential. There is the opportunity to make new friends; a chance to consider those who may seem comparatively awkward, but decidedly more honest and genuine. In addition to discovering new friendships, there is the opportunity to utilize unique perspectives and talents to tackle problems. There’s work to do in the following century – diseases to cure, environments to save, freedoms to preserve. Fortunately, there are people with minds capable of the challenge, with the ability to focus and persevere. They possess perspectives and talents unique enough to solve the biggest of problems, or enhance the most challenging projects. They are Aspies. They are living proof that the best places to play will always be those that are discovered."

 

 There have been articles in the press recently about how companies will actively seek out people with Dyspraxia and Aspergers. The boy is particularly interested in working for intelligence and apparently one organisation has a whole Dyspraxic community based in their team.

The boy when I tell him this, will remark that the office has desks with soft corners so that they can't bump into them and special transport to get there so they do not forget tickets or  where they have  parked  the car. Its a whole world out there and as Attwood states there is so much work to be done. Another mother of a dyspraxic adult told me how her son applied for a job and based his presentation on the skills that Dyspraxic people have and why he should be employed. He got the job.

 

There are times when I am willing the boy to remain quiet as he is sometimes a little lacking in tact and just marches forwards in giving his opinions. And he just loves to drop me in it sometimes too. He did this recently at the group and announced that I was very pro a recent public health initiative that had been heavily contested. As I sat there squirming, trying to wrestle myself out of the embarrassing hole that he had put me in, I suddenly remembered that I was  always telling my two children to be honest and not be afraid to give their thoughts on an argument so what kind of role model was I being? Sometimes that boy is just too clever by halves.