The boy and I have announced the end of Autumn term in education this week. He had completed all of the subjects that we had set, gained fantastic results in his English and Maths coursework and I needed a break. Basically this was to complete all of the silly little jobs that needed doing in the run up to Christmas, for example ordering the boy's prescription, returning library books and attending some gym classes so that I can stuff myself silly over the holiday period! During my many outings today I noticed a lot of school age children with their parents so maybe they broke up this week too. My poor girl is still at school all week, but I know that at least next week, she and I can enjoy quality time together instead of me dragging her out here there and everywhere.
Christmas has always been rather peaceful in the quirky household. Despite my being a huge fan of Christmas. Both of my children were scared of Father Christmas so trips to see him were never made because my poor husband would have to go and sit on Santa's knee in their place! He has never been that fussed about decorating the tree or attending parties. Advent calendars required too many skills, remembering to open a door each day and then being physically able to open said door and foil containing the chocolate. I would often have to do it for him and I would often find that by the time Christmas arrived the boy would have several doors left to open because he would not have remembered to do it or asked me. One key ritual for him started after watching Toy Story, for a few years the boy would call a meeting with his toys to discuss the welcome party for the new toys and where they would go. We have always been to look at the Christmas model village scene in our local garden centre and then have cake. That is the sum total of his preparations.
He always went to bed at the usual time and often needed reminding to open his presents on Christmas morning. I guess because presents weren't normally part of our every day routine he didn't think to look for them. He always enjoyed his presents however. He would play with a toy for an intensely long amount of time before exploring another item. This was generally the cheaper present and I would moan that my lovely expensive presents were going ignored! Nowadays its all about the computer so he's even less sociable than normal. Last year, he was fascinated by a free game that he downloaded and he played this for about six months before starting on the game that I had bought him. It is a bit of a teasing point currently. He managed all of the other rituals such as Christmas dinner really well. Crackers were also well tolerated but he couldn't ever pull hard enough. When we had had friends over in the evenings he was the one putting his pyjamas on before they had gone home and hinting desperately that he was tired, even if it was his good friend visiting. This is completely opposite to the girl who loved socialising and staying up late.
We watched a programme about Aspergers a few months ago which was incredibly informative. They showed a couple celebrating Christmas, who also stated that they would see relatives for about an hour and that's the socialisation done. The boy hooted with laughter at this and stated that he wished he could do the same. At a time when we all got together with our large, noisy families and spent time with them, he often struggled. When he was a baby/toddler he would often go upstairs and sleep through it all. I was always puzzled by the fact that when we returned home, he would also want to go in a quiet room for a bit more sleep! My lovely mother in law often used to organise party games which he didn't really enjoy participating in. Bingo was a particular nightmare for him, because he would often read the numbers backwards and the pace of it was too fast for him to find the number before the next one was called out. He then worked out that being the youngest boy, he could tell which prizes had been bought with him in mind so he would just claim them anyway! Last year when he was very depressed, he stayed at home with me and did not see his other grandparents, uncles and aunties.
Luckily for us, our families are very understanding. The boy has always been known to spend time upstairs away from the excitement and this was before a diagnosis or his depression. Since then, it all seems to make sense and I guess there are more allowances made for him now. He is coming with us this year to see family and spend a few days with them. He is nervous about this and has told me that he struggles when the younger ones insist on jumping on him when he is upstairs or if he is invited to play party games. We have talked about how he can distract himself, by taking one of the numerous dogs out for a walk, spending time with a cousin his own age or just coming to find me. When we arrive home, as always I will not plan any events for him for a good few days so that he can recover and enjoy some control back over his routine again.
I think this has been the way of life for so many years now. I wonder what will happen when he is an adult and has moved away from home? Will he come and see me for just an hour? The last year has seen him blossom into someone that is very confident with his loved ones who will engage in any conversations that people will initiate with him. Christmas for him will always be peaceful, spent with people that he loves, doing the things that he likes to do and I think that is a truly wonderful way to enjoy this special time of year.
Merry Christmas Everyone! Clairexx
Monday 15 December 2014
Monday 1 December 2014
The Power of Touch
The boy has been unwell over the weekend with a cold. He must be feeling it very badly as he even wanted me to cuddle him. Well, it wasn't really a cuddle, he puts his head on my shoulder and I pat him gently on the back.
I really enjoy the opportunity to "cuddle" him because he has never liked any source of physical affection from us. It was very difficult to see my friends babies enjoying a big hug, where they would burrow their faces into their mothers chests and put their arms around them too. When he was a baby, the boy would return from weekends away with the family and be so unsettled that he would need us to pop him into a quiet room to let him sleep it all off. He would find the attention so exhausting.
As he grew older, I would feel rather rejected that he didn't want to cuddle me and I would ask him how could I show him affection. He used to reply that food was a good way, so I have indulged him a lot over the years. He has a very sophisticated palate, good strong cheeses, gentlemen's relish and olives to name but a few tasty morsels.
As part of my job, I learnt how to teach parents to massage their babies. This also involved discussing the benefits of massage throughout life. The boy at the time was being assessed by an occupational therapist who diagnosed sensory processing disorder which had led to the development of the dyspraxia. She started to brush the boy's limbs with a lovely soft brush in order to start de-sensitising him to tactile sensations as he was extremely sensitive to this. We were advised to also do this at home and the boy really took well to it. I then considered using the massage techniques that I had been taught, so started to use firm strokes on his back which he really enjoyed. We made up stories behind the massage, for example Star Wars was a particular favourite whereby the space ship would land on his back and then my fingers would moon walk up and down his spine. Through this I was able to maintain some sense of connection with him that was special and individualised for him.
When he was ill, it was this touch that kept our bond strong. I remember him turning off his computer game without a murmur so that he could have a massage before bedtime. I used lavender oil which really helped him sleep too. It is said that with teenagers particularly, a back rub is a great way to show them that you are there for them during stressful times. Neither of you have to say anything, the massage does that for you. It releases lots of happy hormones in both of you which has a huge benefit on emotional wellbeing.
Since we started home educating, he is the most affectionate he has ever been in his life. He will reach out and stroke my back and give lots of smiley eye contact. He has also started to do this with other members of the family too. It is moments like these that I really cherish and make a note of to go in my happy memories because he is now starting to feed back his feelings towards us. Don't get me wrong, the boy has not been a grumpy tyrant all this time. I have so many photos of a smiling boy, clearly we have been doing something right for him It is just that these moments of connection between us and within the family demonstrate to me that he is building his own feelings of security and self esteem. You can not underestimate the power of love.
I really enjoy the opportunity to "cuddle" him because he has never liked any source of physical affection from us. It was very difficult to see my friends babies enjoying a big hug, where they would burrow their faces into their mothers chests and put their arms around them too. When he was a baby, the boy would return from weekends away with the family and be so unsettled that he would need us to pop him into a quiet room to let him sleep it all off. He would find the attention so exhausting.
As he grew older, I would feel rather rejected that he didn't want to cuddle me and I would ask him how could I show him affection. He used to reply that food was a good way, so I have indulged him a lot over the years. He has a very sophisticated palate, good strong cheeses, gentlemen's relish and olives to name but a few tasty morsels.
As part of my job, I learnt how to teach parents to massage their babies. This also involved discussing the benefits of massage throughout life. The boy at the time was being assessed by an occupational therapist who diagnosed sensory processing disorder which had led to the development of the dyspraxia. She started to brush the boy's limbs with a lovely soft brush in order to start de-sensitising him to tactile sensations as he was extremely sensitive to this. We were advised to also do this at home and the boy really took well to it. I then considered using the massage techniques that I had been taught, so started to use firm strokes on his back which he really enjoyed. We made up stories behind the massage, for example Star Wars was a particular favourite whereby the space ship would land on his back and then my fingers would moon walk up and down his spine. Through this I was able to maintain some sense of connection with him that was special and individualised for him.
When he was ill, it was this touch that kept our bond strong. I remember him turning off his computer game without a murmur so that he could have a massage before bedtime. I used lavender oil which really helped him sleep too. It is said that with teenagers particularly, a back rub is a great way to show them that you are there for them during stressful times. Neither of you have to say anything, the massage does that for you. It releases lots of happy hormones in both of you which has a huge benefit on emotional wellbeing.
Since we started home educating, he is the most affectionate he has ever been in his life. He will reach out and stroke my back and give lots of smiley eye contact. He has also started to do this with other members of the family too. It is moments like these that I really cherish and make a note of to go in my happy memories because he is now starting to feed back his feelings towards us. Don't get me wrong, the boy has not been a grumpy tyrant all this time. I have so many photos of a smiling boy, clearly we have been doing something right for him It is just that these moments of connection between us and within the family demonstrate to me that he is building his own feelings of security and self esteem. You can not underestimate the power of love.
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