It dawned on me the other day that I have often written about the benefits of massage on the child but have not yet said how I do this. The whole concept of nurturing touch is embedded in us as parents, a gentle stroke of the brow or a loving sweep on the arm of our child can come quite naturally but for those of you who would like to know about this in depth, please stick around as this post is for you!
I was fortunate to be trained in infant massage by the IAIM http://www.iaim.org.uk/ as part of my role working within a Health Visiting team. This training really enlightened me to the sensitivities of parenting and how communication through touch can enhance the connection with your child. These days it is easy to access baby massage classes locally but what happens when the baby starts to crawl and it is all you can do to catch them still for long enough, or when the child becomes a teenager and to them you are the most embarrassing human in the world, how do we get that connection back again?
Vimala McClure, the founder of the IAIM states that before the age of 12, children learn more about their world through feeling as opposed to seeing or hearing information. When a child is praised there is an 85% chance that they will take this in and believe it, if it is accompanied by touch rather than just the spoken words. During massage, attention is solely focused on the child, which increases their self esteem and provides a safe environment for them to open up and talk about their worries.
I should also raise the point that not all children like being touched, especially if they, like the boy have sensory processing disorder. When he had occupational therapy involvement, we had to brush his limbs and back with a soft brush using firm strokes in order to desensitise him. He has never liked being cuddled or hugged, though he is starting to tolerate a very light embrace. The girl also finds massage tickly but she enjoyed the stories that I am about to explain later and she loves having her hair stroked.
So where to begin:
Firstly ensure that the environment is warm and comfortable. If your child is older or feels a bit awkward about having a massage then having the TV on in the background is acceptable to begin with. I have massaged the boy whilst we watched a particularly violent scene in a Tudor drama, the emphasis here is about establishing that connection and contact with the child, as they begin to feel safe you will find that they will prefer to be in a quiet room.
Also ensure that you are feeling relaxed. The last thing you want to convey to your child is your stress, a few deep breaths can help with this.
Remove all items of jewellery that can scratch.
Ask permission. So very important. Even babies can give permission to be touched through a smile once they know the sign for massage. This gives a sense of ownership of their bodies and as they grow older they will be able to feel confident about saying no if they do not want to be touched. This again enhances their feelings of security, self esteem and feeling that they are listened to. If the child becomes bored and indicates that they want to stop then it is important that this is respected too. Sadly due to the increased awareness and reports of sexual abuse there is a fear of touching our children once they go beyond their toddler years. Vimala McClure however argued that a massaged child would know the difference between a healthy touch and would have developed strong emotional bonds with the parent that is giving this. If they were to be talked to or touched by someone else in a way that concerned them they would be more likely to report it. As a health professional I would always demonstrate massage on a doll, never on someone else's baby because this would be very invasive. Massage is treated as a special time between parent and child, no one else is part of this.
You can massage through light clothing such as a T shirt if you prefer or by touching the child's skin. If you are massaging the skin, you may need some oil to reduce the friction. There is a HUGE debate within the infant massage community about which oils are safe to use and many supermarkets sell natural oils specifically for baby massage. In the past I have used baby oil, or almond oil with a few drops of essential oil added to make it smell nice and help the boy relax. Beware of nut oils if there is a nut allergy within the family. Olive oil should also be used with caution because it can damage the layers in the skin. Organic Sunflower oil could be used instead. If your child has eczema, their prescribed creams are a useful product to use.
The strokes that can be used depend on the part of the body that is being touched. Limbs are good for long sweeping movements. If the child is particularly hairy, you may find that just stokes moving down the limb are better to avoid it feeling irritating if you were to sweep up. Tummies are best massaged around the belly button in a clockwise motion.
With the back you can be quite creative with your massage. It is less intimidating for teenagers because they can not give you eye contact, but you can still convey that feeling of love for them.
With a pre-schooler or a junior child, the back can be stage for the most amazing stories. You can pretend it is a chopping board as you prepare ingredients for a pizza, using chopping motions to cut the vegetables, slicing for tomatoes and grating for cheese. Then the back becomes the pizza, with the sauce being spread and the toppings being sprinkled on. A warm oven cooks the pizza through as your hands are still warming the back and then we slice the pizza up. One particular favourite of the boys was Star Wars, we had spaceships landing on his back, spacemen walking and exploring the new land and explosions as the jedi fought. There is another idea here on this You Tube channel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVvZ6FcVsds
Throughout the massage, talk to your child about the strokes and check that they are not too tickly or firm. The boy used to open up and talk when he had his massage, which was a huge relief when he was depressed. It was a way for us to reconnect through the sad experiences that he had suffered and provided a strong base from which mutual trust could flourish again. Often massage is given before bedtime to help a child relax. This could also be useful for those children that are hyper-active, the firm pressure enabling them to de compress and relax. I always end the massage thanking the boy for letting me massage him, again increasing his feelings of security and respect.
I hope that this has been useful, it is a subject that I am hugely passionate about and a useful resource in my parenting tool box to keep that loving connection strong.
Clairexxx
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