Supporting the Supporter

Its been a while since my last post, I guess that this is mainly due to the return to normality of work, school and family life. I started blogging about a year ago when I had so much to say about my quirky little life and I wonder if this was more about having an outlet to express how I felt as well as acting as a resource for people who had similar experiences.

However this does not mean that my dyspraxia awareness raising mission has gone to ground as well these last few months. In fact it is probably taking a rather large proportion of my spare time. I am a local  coordinator for the Dyspraxia  Foundation, and cover a rather large county which I had not realised until I tried to find venues for us all to meet. Attendance at the meetings was also rather low and trying to cater to everyone's needs has not been easy. Another  coordinator then advised me that I could not be everything to everyone so I found a nice little local room and our recent meeting was much easier without worrying about parking, big events being in the same park and knowing how many children's play areas are in the same venue!

I also  had the wonderful opportunity to present a workshop to parents about Dyspraxia at a special needs fayre last month and this brought home to me how  misunderstood the condition is. One parent stated that a school that specialised in teaching children with dyspraxia actually asked her what it was!! Other schools have also been known to exclude children because they are too "dyspraxic", this happened to the boy when we looked.

I enjoy these opportunities that I am given to discuss dyspraxia because these are my times to talk about the challenges that I have been presented with too. When the boy was younger, there was another coordinator trying to run a group and I admit that I never attended either. It is difficult when you have children's needs to consider and bearing in mind that a major challenge is social anxiety, barriers to attend a group are massive before you have even left the front door!  I knew of a few families in a similar situation to me and I would really use those times that we met to really saturate the moment with a good hearty discussion. Those times were rare and day to day life was just too busy to have the energy to access support. Facebook wasn't even in my life then, so it was at times isolating when we were going through a rough patch. Another factor was when there were positive times, I wondered if I had made it all up and was maybe expecting too much, in essence denying that the Dyspraxia existed until it invaded our lives again.

 I can see the sense of relief of finding one's tribe when I organise these meetings or present to a room full of parents. Tips on managing various sensory aspects, accessing professionals and talking to teachers are all shared and gratefully received. That sense of belonging, when the difficulties that hand dryers present or the amazing sense of humour are talked about is priceless.

 It is easier to access support these days thanks to social media, through this there are no pressures to bring children and thus you can make the most of being able to process the support that is offered at a time convenient to you. Adults who continue to experience anxiety about meeting people can also gain from this. I also share resources on the Facebook page for this blog, in a bid to continue raising awareness and reduce that sense of isolation that I experienced in those early days.

 I still hope that my little group will continue and be a welcoming place to share experiences. I also plan to connect with local professions because if there is a way that I can enable better understanding of the people they encounter then that has to be worth striving for. As for me, well there is a National Autistic Society group ( the boy also has this) down the road from me that meets every two weeks, so maybe I will access my support from them. As always I know that I will also continue to benefit from my local group as well. We have a few adults now and it is these people I look to for advice how to foster independence in the boy so that he can continue to feel confident about engaging with the outside world and beyond education. Even though life is on an even keel at the moment, it will certainly be valuable to celebrate the positives and look forward to the future with my tribe.

xx

Happy ever After?

This time three years ago, our lives were about to be turned upside down as the boy met his biggest challenge yet when he started secondary school.

This time two years ago, I felt an utter failure as a mother. Despite the fact that I had taken him out of school in an attempt to try and restore some normality back to our shattered lives, I just felt that I had got parenting all wrong and a huge sign stating failure was shining brightly above my head.

The boy was also diagnosed with Aspergers at the time and we eagerly accessed our local autism centre to find out more about how to support him and educate him. There was one particular book that had several experiences written by parents and it was reassuring to hear that we walking along the same path. However these tales had been written with a "happy ever after" at the end, they had managed to create some success for their children which made me feel even more frustrated as our story was just beginning and I could not visualise how it was ever going to end.

 If you are reading this now at the start of your journey as a parent of a child with special needs, I embrace you and reach out to you in the chaos of your hopes and dreams raining down upon you, the normal rights of passage of parenthood disappearing into the horizon, the increasing isolation from your friends, community and society as a whole and that overwhelming distress that you feel as you say "this wasn't meant to happen!"

But it did and I guess it happened to those parents that I read about too.

So, in the aftermath we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves down and started walking.

Every positive change I noticed and observed. If he engaged well with a lesson that I taught him, or started to go out with his father for an hour and leave me behind. These little signs of recovery were like treasured jewels that I would hold and gaze and add to my collection. The excitement I felt when he disappeared with the other children one day during a home education meet up and I was able to utter that longed for sentence "where's my son?" was a moment I will always cherish.

I never take these experiences for granted.

Nowadays, the jewels are much bigger and shinier, a teacher remarking how hard he is working, a day out with a friend that he has not seen for ages, him buying himself some lunch. Yet I still pick them up, gaze and acknowledge silently that things are going Ok at the moment. I don't want to add the happy ever after to our story at the moment, I am still tentatively stepping. My husband remarked that he very much doubted I would ever relax where our boy was concerned. He is probably right.

I guess the failure sign has gone now. In its place stands a mother who knows deep down that the increasing amount of jewels that she has in her basket is evidence that she is undoubtedly right about how to care for her child. She is not afraid to  question the expectations that society places on our children and the need to somehow, at whatever cost to make them fit. Like so many other parents before me, I follow that path in the hope that for those that come behind me, a  less difficult time awaits  and that no one is ever made to feel a failure because their child is different.

xxxx

How to massage the older child/teenager

It dawned on me the other day that I have often written about the benefits of massage on the child but have not yet said how I do this. The whole concept of nurturing touch is embedded in us as parents, a gentle stroke of the brow or a loving sweep on the arm of our child can come quite naturally but for those of you who would like to know about this in depth,  please stick around as this post is for you!


I was fortunate to be trained in infant massage by the IAIM http://www.iaim.org.uk/ as part of my role working within a Health Visiting team. This training really enlightened me to the sensitivities of parenting and how communication through touch can enhance the connection with your child. These days it is easy to access baby massage classes locally but what happens when the baby starts to crawl and it is all you can do to catch them still for long enough, or when the child becomes a teenager and to them you are the most embarrassing human in the world, how do we get that connection back again?

Vimala McClure, the founder of the IAIM states that before the age of 12, children learn more about their world through feeling as opposed to seeing or hearing information. When a child is praised there is an 85% chance that they will take this in and believe it,  if it is accompanied by touch rather than just the spoken words. During massage, attention is solely focused on the child, which increases their self esteem and provides a safe environment for them to open up and talk about  their worries.

I should also raise the point that not all children like being touched, especially if they, like the boy have sensory processing disorder. When he had occupational therapy involvement, we had to brush his limbs and back with a soft brush using firm strokes in order to desensitise him. He has never liked being cuddled or hugged, though he is starting to tolerate a very light embrace. The girl also finds massage tickly but she enjoyed the stories that I am about to explain later and she loves having her hair stroked.

So where to begin:

Firstly ensure that the environment is warm and comfortable. If your child is older or feels a bit awkward about having a massage then having the TV on in the background is acceptable to begin with. I have massaged the boy whilst we watched a particularly violent scene in a Tudor drama, the emphasis here is about establishing that connection and contact with the child, as they begin to feel safe you will find that they will prefer to be in a quiet room.
Also ensure that you are feeling relaxed. The last thing you want to convey to your child is your stress, a few deep breaths can help with this.

Remove all items of jewellery that can scratch.

Ask permission. So very important. Even babies can give permission to be touched  through a smile once they know the sign for massage. This gives a sense of ownership of their bodies and as they grow older they will be able to feel confident about saying no if they do not want to be touched. This again enhances their feelings of security,  self esteem and feeling that they are listened to. If the child becomes bored and indicates that they want to stop then it is important that this is respected too. Sadly due to the increased awareness and reports of sexual abuse there is a fear of touching our children once they go beyond their toddler years. Vimala McClure however argued that a massaged child would know the difference between a healthy touch and would have developed strong emotional bonds with the parent that is giving this. If they were to be talked to or touched by someone else in a way that concerned them they would be more likely to report it. As a health professional I would always demonstrate massage on a doll, never on someone else's baby because this would be very invasive. Massage is treated as a  special time between parent and child, no one else is part of this.

You can massage through light clothing such as a T shirt if you prefer or by touching the  child's skin. If you are massaging the skin, you may need some oil to reduce the friction. There is a HUGE debate within the infant massage community about which oils are safe to use and many supermarkets sell natural oils specifically for baby massage. In the past I have used baby oil, or almond oil with a few drops of essential oil added to make it smell nice and help the boy relax. Beware of nut oils if there is a nut allergy within the family. Olive oil should also be used with caution because it can damage the layers in the skin. Organic Sunflower oil could be used instead. If your child has eczema, their prescribed creams are a useful product to use.

The strokes that can be used depend on the part of the body that is being touched. Limbs are good for long sweeping movements. If the child is particularly hairy, you may find that just stokes moving down the limb are better to avoid it feeling irritating if you were to sweep up. Tummies are best massaged around the belly button in a clockwise motion.

With the back you can be quite creative with your massage. It is less intimidating for teenagers because they can not give you eye contact, but you can still convey that feeling of love for them.
With a pre-schooler or a junior child, the back can be stage for the most amazing stories. You can pretend it is a chopping board as you prepare ingredients for a pizza, using chopping motions to cut the vegetables, slicing for tomatoes and grating for cheese. Then the back becomes the pizza, with the sauce being spread and the toppings being sprinkled on. A warm oven cooks the pizza through as your hands are still warming the back and then we slice the pizza up. One particular favourite of the boys was Star Wars, we had spaceships landing on his back, spacemen walking and exploring the new land and explosions as the jedi fought. There is another  idea here on this You Tube channel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVvZ6FcVsds

Throughout the massage, talk to your child about the strokes and check that they are not too tickly or firm. The boy used to open up and talk when he had his massage, which was a huge relief when he was depressed. It was a way for us to reconnect through the sad experiences that he had suffered and provided a strong base from which mutual trust could flourish again. Often massage is given before bedtime to help a child relax. This could also be useful for those children that are hyper-active, the firm pressure enabling them to de compress and relax. I always end the massage thanking the boy for letting me massage him, again increasing his feelings of security and respect.

I hope that this has been useful, it is a subject that I am hugely passionate about and a useful resource in my parenting tool box to keep that loving connection strong.

Clairexxx

Anxiety

Today, I thought I would post a review of a book that I found particularly helpful when my son became unwell with anxiety and the help from CAMHS seemed like hunting for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I guess like most parents, if your child is unwell, you want to start accessing help straight away and lets be honest, appointments often mean that you have to almost sit on the problem sometimes for weeks until help is offered.

The book is called Coping with an Anxious or Depressed Child, by Sam Cartwright Hatton. There is a link to purchase it here:

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/products/children-and-anxiety/coping-with-an-anxious-or-depressed-child-by-dr-sam-cartwright-hatton/

The first 5 chapters of the book discuss signs, symptoms, causes and differences between normal adolescent behaviour and depression. The types of medication, counselling treatments for anxiety are also discussed and the whole tone of the book is greatly reassuring.What I particularly liked about it  was that it was written like a programme of care that would ordinarily be prescribed by psychologists. You could not progress on to the next chapter without implementing the previous chapter's recommendations.

Seven Confident Thoughts are described by the author as the building blocks of improved self esteem in children. At the time of reading I could easily see that my boy was not thinking any of these. His school was perceived by him to be terrifying, we were always shouting at him about his attendance and he was stating that the city in which we live was unsafe and full of crime. More importantly we were using strategies to get him into school that involved consequences and ignoring bad behaviour, which were the final step in the programme, he was barely achieving the first chapter, so no wonder nothing was working.

It made me realise that actually even before he was unwell enough to no longer cope with school, he was not really functioning at a confident level. His temper tantrums as a toddler were extremely difficult to manage and it was only when we noticed that we could get the girl to do as we asked that we realised he was different. His delay in co ordination was a reason for seeing the GP but to be honest, it was the tantrums that gave the most difficulty. The paediatricians that we all saw, advised the rewards/consequence system, these never worked and just exacerbated the situation. I came to realise that in the end, he just did not have any motivation left to meet the never ending list of day to day challenges that were presented to him. He did not feel good about himself, his lack of co ordination meant that he could not play football with his school mates, he had no control over the noisy hustle and bustle at school and at home, we were always nagging him to tidy his room, participate in sporty activities after a school day or rushing around like every other family. At some point, his confidence had disappeared into a hole and there was nothing left to give.

 I have  always been  wary about the reward chart/consequences systems, they can work but they need to be delivered in such a way that the child is able to feel that they can achieve what is being asked. I think with dyspraxic children this is particularly relevant, they are prone to suffer lower self esteem, so challenges  need to be bite sized and achievable if this system is going to work. The book gives some very good examples of "good" and "bad" consequences so that this step is managed sensitively and carefully.

So, we started on the first step.................and stayed there for a rather long time. The boy by then was suffering from depression, he was not doing much so it was a struggle to think of activities that I could praise him for or get him to do. I felt terrible when I realised this so I became very creative in my approach and gave him a task such as emptying the dishwasher or the bins so that I could tell him how wonderful it was to have him helping me. Bearing in mind there had been an awful lot of shouting and negativity in the house prior to removing him from school, our relationship needed to be rebuilt and the trust renewed. We had special time every evening, when I would massage his back. For a while he became very clingy, he loved to smell my perfume because it reminded him of me and he almost rejected his father. I will admit that I was worried but then thought about how bonds needed to be regenerated so for the first time in my life I was quiet and just reassuring. I doubt that the boy now can remember being like this which just goes to show how far he has progressed.

The boy's love of computing and all things I.T and our acceptance of this has been especially pivotal in boosting his self confidence. The book describes this as Pleasure and Mastery in that he is able to participate in something that he feels confident in. I think that the portrayal of computing and gaming is negatively portrayed by the media and I used to worry that it wasn't a good outdoorsy hobby such as football or scouts. However, the boy's gaming community are the most honest, politically aware, law abiding people I have yet to meet. They are entrepreneurial and he has learnt so much from them. It is because of them that my poor husband has to accompany him to various gaming festivals, We no longer treat the computer as a "dirty habit" and something that has to be denied. There is no expectation for him to play sport and win countless trophies. He is our IT expert, it is what he likes to do and at least I always know where he is!

The Seven Confident thoughts are now my guiding principles which influence how I raise my children and also those that I work with. Being able to see where we needed to start from was extremely helpful and I daresay that as a consequence of following this, I no longer worry about consequences for bad behaviour  because I guess he has no reason to misbehave anymore.

Every school should have the Saint

Been away for a while on purpose because I wanted to see whether I would be reporting good or bad news in regards to the boy's transition to the unit. His hours were increased this term from two mornings to 16 hours over a few weeks. I am delighted to say that he has happily attended from 9am -1pm four days a week. Never thought I would say this.

To be able to hand him back over to the local authority and trust their expertise was something of a big ask where we were concerned. His key worker whom organised the EHC plan also recognised this and was full of reassurance. I will never forget that afternoon, leaning my head against the window as she convinced me over the phone that this unit was a good place. I was so scared, as previous posts will testify.

And she was right. To date the boy has started to reconsider further education, he has watched a year 10 boy do "work experience" at the IT department, to inform  me that actually the IT department come to the unit for "work experience", however he is looking forward to his turn at this. He has gone out on an outing with the other pupils, asked to borrow his grandfather's Tom Clancy book, he has even played rounders.

Every morning I have dreaded getting up wondering if  will he be making  that terrible noise as he refuses to go. I don't think I slept that well to begin with. We have had days when he will be quiet or rather apathetic, these are normally after a change in routine or a plan that he agreed to initially but then  feels he can not meet. Luckily the Saint and I have another option to offer that is more comfortable but keeps that attendance going. The educational psychologist when he assessed the boy wrote that it was better for him to attend a few hours every day rather than have long breaks because that then breaks the cycle of anxiety about attending. The Saint has told me repeatedly that his mental health is more important and neither she or us want him to stop attending regularly because he is being forced to do more than he can achieve. Such kind people.

He is studying English, Science, Maths and IT thus there is not much need for such long school days. The pupils also have social time if they wish. Some of the pupils such as the boy have a desk in a quieter room that is off from the main room and he will often spend his spare time watching documentaries which impresses the Saint no end. There is also an amazing fully equipped sensory chill out room which I think should be for the parents. Often if pupils are worried the Saint will take them in there to talk to them. Their school days start later and end before the rest of the school so that they do not have to cope with the hustle and bustle of school life. They are encouraged to attend mainstream lessons too with support but so far the boy feels unable to do this, again there is no pressure.

I often see the other pupils (all of them are boys) and it amazes me that they have all come from similar paths as ours. They smile, open the door for me and just seem so relaxed and comfortable. The boy gets on well with a couple of them, though quite clearly none have been invited over for tea as yet!

He comes home from school, cheeky, boisterous and keen to get some words in edgeways if only the girl will let him. I do not think this has ever happened in his school career before. The Saint and I often end our meetings stating  that every school in the country should have this facility, now if someone could just pass me my magic wand...........................

Clairexxxx

Me

When I first contemplated home educating the boy, my first fear was that I would be with him all day everyday without a break. I had enjoyed those beautiful moments when the front door slams and there is nobody else in  the house and time was available to be spent as I wished. Such bliss. Then I felt guilty for feeling this way.

 

I had researched home education and to me it seemed that the parents I had read about could cope with the every day noise, demands and chaos that children bring all day every day. I, on the other hand had insisted on just an hour or two every day where I could have a bit of time to myself just to think. This was easily achieved when they napped or went on to school and I had my days off from work. The new scenario I was considering was going to be hugely different. Even my friends told me that there was no way they would home educate their kids as they would end up going mad.

 

Step in Ross Moutney, https://rossmountney.wordpress.com/ whose book "A different kind of education" described how some days she too was just too overwhelmed and needed a break, it was OK to feel this way and perfectly normal too.

 

The beauty of home education meant that the school day is much shorter, thus I could incorporate that much needed time to exercise or sew without the worry that I SHOULD be schooling the boy.

 

The home education journey taught me a number of valuable lessons and we aren't just talking about the metal reactivity series here either.Ever since I had children I have battled long and hard with my inner sloth about HAVING TIME FOR ME. I would feel guilty for having it and grumpy if I didn't. Relatives and friends would all tell me that I needed to relax and have time for myself yet I did not know how to spend this time efficiently to help me feel relaxed. I was easily distracted by a dirty kitchen floor, pile of ironing or I would just pass out on the sofa and snooze due to shear exhaustion. Dr Laura Markham also describes this as the  Sacrificing yourself on the Alter of Parenthood disorder, where parents forget to give themselves the attention they need and so find themselves impatient and negative towards their children. I had this in an epidemic proportion and yes I did have a bit of a reputation as a shouter. It made me wonder whether the boy would want to spend all of his time with me too.

 

I tried numerous techniques to try and RELAX, something else that I was determined to become good at in my never ending quest to be the perfect mother. Meditating was one particular activity that would just drive me nuts because I would either fall asleep or if I tried to imagine being in a lovely place, I would then wonder what the weather was doing, where the children were and feel guilty that they were not in this lovely place with me!

 

There is a fantastic lady, Rosey#PNDandMe who recently held an hours session on Twitter looking at depression and self care and how vital it is that as parents we take the time to do activities that make us happy. We have to keep our petrol tanks full so to speak so that we have the energy to look after our children. This has made a lot of sense and it is widely recommended in all parenting courses and websites that for our children's wellbeing, ours matters too. I imagined my daughter as a mother, I would hate for her to shout at my future grandchildren so if I role modelled to her that I looked after myself then that would guide her as she grew up too. I also read somewhere that, rather than relying on technology, alcohol and TV, we have to go back to our childhoods and think about the activities that we liked to do as these are the ones that can give our minds the most fulfilment.

 

You may have already guessed, that as a child I was a bit of a bookworm, but I also liked to sew too. Counted cross stitch was a particularly soothing activity because I had to concentrate, thus my chattering monkey mind was kept quiet and my "petrol tank refuelled." Books have  also become very welcome friends again and it is a bit of a strap line in this house that "I will just finish this chapter" to avoid doing chores.

 

I have finally learnt to be kinder and more compassionate to myself, there are no more quests to be perfect, good enough is well good enough. The house may be dustier, dinners may be simpler, but the time I have found for me, has strangely increased my time to enjoy with the children and cuddle up with them as well as finding time to go to the gym regularly and voluntary work. The children have also welcomed time for them to do what they want without the structure and routines imposed on them. The girl is learning how to bake and the boy, well he is still attached to his computer but is doing very well in meeting his attendance at his school. Compassion is also about praising yourself when there is no time and you have a million other things to do. I will now often congratulate myself on a job well done, acknowledge to myself that some days are harder or  tell myself that I will be able to make it to the armchair soon for that much needed chapter. It is like being your very own best friend that encourages you along.

 

 A year after educating the boy, I was talking about the success of it all with a friend and she congratulated me but then commented on the strain that I must be under because I never had time for myself. I remembering looking at her strangely, much like the established home educating mothers looked at me when I first started. Maybe I should tell her that she needs to relax...............

 

Clairexxxxx

A Brief Guide to Parenting a Child with Dyspraxia

As a local co ordinator for the Dyspraxia Foundation, I have recently had a few enquiries from parents whose children have been diagnosed with Dyspraxia who wish to know what to do next.

This has had me stumped for a few minutes as I rack my brains trying to remember what I did when the boy was diagnosed and I am sure that every child and family's situation is different so what I did may not hold much significance for the parent I am listening to. Our journey to diagnosis had been filled with a lot of personal  anxiety that somehow our parenting was to blame as the struggles to manage the boys meltdowns brought us to the doctor's door. Others arrive via school  due to co ordination difficulties. Occupational therapy or speech therapy as a result of the diagnosis may have been offered so there are opportunities to discuss the diagnosis and plan with health care practitioners a way forward. Yet the hows and whats about living with dyspraxia probably won't be discussed in appointments so what  then? 

 

Here are some ideas to get you started. Remember that initially you may need time to adjust and process what Dyspraxia will mean to you and your family. I remember feeling shell shocked when the boy was diagnosed with Aspergers, even though I suspected that he was on the spectrum, to have it actually confirmed was still a shock. The Dyspraxia diagnosis came as more of a relief that I was not going mad.

 

1. Read, read and read: as you know I always read around the subject and I do remember taking a pile of books out of the local library. Authors such as Amanda Kirby, Mary Colley are well renowned experts, Victoria Biggs is also a good read because she delivers a personal account of living with Dyspraxia, my husband who tends to leave the reading to me, found her book very helpful. I found the books particularly beneficial because after a few years of worrying that I was being paranoid and that my experiences were individual to me only, it was a huge comfort to find these described in the pages I was reading.

 

2. Build your circle of support; Hooray, we have a group in Hampshire now and our first meeting gave much neeeded opportunity to share experiences and relief that we are not as isolated as we thought. I have certainly felt alone at times, just longing for an understanding ear thats linked to an empathetic mouth rather than the usual "he'll grow out of it, you need to make him join a club, or play sport" reaction that I sometimes get. Find your local support group by contacting the Dyspraxia Foundation. That feeling of being believed, supported and never judged is indescribable.

 

Family and friends are invaluable too. However I have found that whilst I want to read and expand my knowledge about Dyspraxia,  my husband prefers to hear about it via seminars, articles on the radio and easier books. Other relatives, although they know that the boy is dyspraxic, prefer to treat him as they always have done and are just very understanding if he does not want to join in an activity. They feel that they do not need any further information.

 

Those that are not interested, sympathetic or do not believe that Dyspraxia exists, well refer to the above circle of support,  they are your allies.  Remember that Dyspraxia is not as well understood as other conditions and if there is little opportunity to inform, spare your precious energy. Sadly for some people, helping children in need basically relates to baking a few cupcakes and seling them once a year for the BBC organised event. My boy in particular challenges beliefs about school attendance whilst his obsession with  computer gaming is portrayed negatively by some of the tabloids thus we have been targets for supposed well meaning judgemental comments and we have had arguments with other people too. We are very selective about who is in our circle.

 

 

3. Identity the key areas where your child struggles and use resources from the Dyspraxia Foundation to help you and your child manage. Time and time again I have looked up how to help the boy when he reaches developmental milestones from riding a bike to starting secondary school. There is information for teachers too and you may find that you are teaching them (the teachers) to begin with if they have not had previous experience. This does feel very disheartening and worrying but communication about your child is paramount and will certainly help you feel more in control so that unnecessary incidents are avoided. If you are home educating, you are in the fortunate position to be able to totally adapt your child's education to support his needs. There are also some amazing sites that can support with this. The link below is for a facebook group that I relied upon a lot during our home education days. Don't forget that you could also apply for the EHC plan if you are home educating too so that you can receive support from the local authority. The group also is a good place to find out more about this

 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/332898013464344/?fref=ts

 

4. Look after yourself.  I can not say this enough. We have all heard that on a plane, parents need the oxygen masks on first before the child and I think this analogy is so relevant to staying strong and coping with a child that has dyspraxia. Again it all depends on the individual experience, but I have had great days and there are times when the boy has been so anxious it has taken all of my emotional energy to move him into doing something that I am left too frazzled to take part in the experience with him or continue with my day.  We went away recently and he was fretting because there would be no  internet. He had tummy upsets, he wanted to know exactly what was going to happen whilst we were away and even told me that he didn't want me sitting around reading my book because I could do that at home. He struggled with the concept that it was also a little holiday for me and I wanted to relax a bit. When we went for a walk, initially he didn't want to walk alongside his father and sister, he just wanted me, all of my attention was taken up listening to him chatting away. A day or so later and he had relaxed enough to be more independent and not so needy. We met up with relatives and they were so impressed with how well he was doing, which was great but inside I was absolutely exhausted and needed another holiday! The family dynamics and the emotional effort of parents is eloquently described by Gill Dixon in her book, Dyspraxia the Foundations. Again it is reassuring to know that I am not alone in how I feel. The boy is particularly sensitive to my moods so it is doubly  important that time is taken to indulge in exercise or my favourite hobbies so that I feel emotionally well equipped to care for him and his sister.

 

I hope that this has been helpful. There is a good supportive community out there and for those who are not affected by Dyspraxia a smile, nod and a hug works wonders if you meet anyone who is.

 

Clairexxxxx