Every school should have the Saint

Been away for a while on purpose because I wanted to see whether I would be reporting good or bad news in regards to the boy's transition to the unit. His hours were increased this term from two mornings to 16 hours over a few weeks. I am delighted to say that he has happily attended from 9am -1pm four days a week. Never thought I would say this.

To be able to hand him back over to the local authority and trust their expertise was something of a big ask where we were concerned. His key worker whom organised the EHC plan also recognised this and was full of reassurance. I will never forget that afternoon, leaning my head against the window as she convinced me over the phone that this unit was a good place. I was so scared, as previous posts will testify.

And she was right. To date the boy has started to reconsider further education, he has watched a year 10 boy do "work experience" at the IT department, to inform  me that actually the IT department come to the unit for "work experience", however he is looking forward to his turn at this. He has gone out on an outing with the other pupils, asked to borrow his grandfather's Tom Clancy book, he has even played rounders.

Every morning I have dreaded getting up wondering if  will he be making  that terrible noise as he refuses to go. I don't think I slept that well to begin with. We have had days when he will be quiet or rather apathetic, these are normally after a change in routine or a plan that he agreed to initially but then  feels he can not meet. Luckily the Saint and I have another option to offer that is more comfortable but keeps that attendance going. The educational psychologist when he assessed the boy wrote that it was better for him to attend a few hours every day rather than have long breaks because that then breaks the cycle of anxiety about attending. The Saint has told me repeatedly that his mental health is more important and neither she or us want him to stop attending regularly because he is being forced to do more than he can achieve. Such kind people.

He is studying English, Science, Maths and IT thus there is not much need for such long school days. The pupils also have social time if they wish. Some of the pupils such as the boy have a desk in a quieter room that is off from the main room and he will often spend his spare time watching documentaries which impresses the Saint no end. There is also an amazing fully equipped sensory chill out room which I think should be for the parents. Often if pupils are worried the Saint will take them in there to talk to them. Their school days start later and end before the rest of the school so that they do not have to cope with the hustle and bustle of school life. They are encouraged to attend mainstream lessons too with support but so far the boy feels unable to do this, again there is no pressure.

I often see the other pupils (all of them are boys) and it amazes me that they have all come from similar paths as ours. They smile, open the door for me and just seem so relaxed and comfortable. The boy gets on well with a couple of them, though quite clearly none have been invited over for tea as yet!

He comes home from school, cheeky, boisterous and keen to get some words in edgeways if only the girl will let him. I do not think this has ever happened in his school career before. The Saint and I often end our meetings stating  that every school in the country should have this facility, now if someone could just pass me my magic wand...........................

Clairexxxx

Me

When I first contemplated home educating the boy, my first fear was that I would be with him all day everyday without a break. I had enjoyed those beautiful moments when the front door slams and there is nobody else in  the house and time was available to be spent as I wished. Such bliss. Then I felt guilty for feeling this way.

 

I had researched home education and to me it seemed that the parents I had read about could cope with the every day noise, demands and chaos that children bring all day every day. I, on the other hand had insisted on just an hour or two every day where I could have a bit of time to myself just to think. This was easily achieved when they napped or went on to school and I had my days off from work. The new scenario I was considering was going to be hugely different. Even my friends told me that there was no way they would home educate their kids as they would end up going mad.

 

Step in Ross Moutney, https://rossmountney.wordpress.com/ whose book "A different kind of education" described how some days she too was just too overwhelmed and needed a break, it was OK to feel this way and perfectly normal too.

 

The beauty of home education meant that the school day is much shorter, thus I could incorporate that much needed time to exercise or sew without the worry that I SHOULD be schooling the boy.

 

The home education journey taught me a number of valuable lessons and we aren't just talking about the metal reactivity series here either.Ever since I had children I have battled long and hard with my inner sloth about HAVING TIME FOR ME. I would feel guilty for having it and grumpy if I didn't. Relatives and friends would all tell me that I needed to relax and have time for myself yet I did not know how to spend this time efficiently to help me feel relaxed. I was easily distracted by a dirty kitchen floor, pile of ironing or I would just pass out on the sofa and snooze due to shear exhaustion. Dr Laura Markham also describes this as the  Sacrificing yourself on the Alter of Parenthood disorder, where parents forget to give themselves the attention they need and so find themselves impatient and negative towards their children. I had this in an epidemic proportion and yes I did have a bit of a reputation as a shouter. It made me wonder whether the boy would want to spend all of his time with me too.

 

I tried numerous techniques to try and RELAX, something else that I was determined to become good at in my never ending quest to be the perfect mother. Meditating was one particular activity that would just drive me nuts because I would either fall asleep or if I tried to imagine being in a lovely place, I would then wonder what the weather was doing, where the children were and feel guilty that they were not in this lovely place with me!

 

There is a fantastic lady, Rosey#PNDandMe who recently held an hours session on Twitter looking at depression and self care and how vital it is that as parents we take the time to do activities that make us happy. We have to keep our petrol tanks full so to speak so that we have the energy to look after our children. This has made a lot of sense and it is widely recommended in all parenting courses and websites that for our children's wellbeing, ours matters too. I imagined my daughter as a mother, I would hate for her to shout at my future grandchildren so if I role modelled to her that I looked after myself then that would guide her as she grew up too. I also read somewhere that, rather than relying on technology, alcohol and TV, we have to go back to our childhoods and think about the activities that we liked to do as these are the ones that can give our minds the most fulfilment.

 

You may have already guessed, that as a child I was a bit of a bookworm, but I also liked to sew too. Counted cross stitch was a particularly soothing activity because I had to concentrate, thus my chattering monkey mind was kept quiet and my "petrol tank refuelled." Books have  also become very welcome friends again and it is a bit of a strap line in this house that "I will just finish this chapter" to avoid doing chores.

 

I have finally learnt to be kinder and more compassionate to myself, there are no more quests to be perfect, good enough is well good enough. The house may be dustier, dinners may be simpler, but the time I have found for me, has strangely increased my time to enjoy with the children and cuddle up with them as well as finding time to go to the gym regularly and voluntary work. The children have also welcomed time for them to do what they want without the structure and routines imposed on them. The girl is learning how to bake and the boy, well he is still attached to his computer but is doing very well in meeting his attendance at his school. Compassion is also about praising yourself when there is no time and you have a million other things to do. I will now often congratulate myself on a job well done, acknowledge to myself that some days are harder or  tell myself that I will be able to make it to the armchair soon for that much needed chapter. It is like being your very own best friend that encourages you along.

 

 A year after educating the boy, I was talking about the success of it all with a friend and she congratulated me but then commented on the strain that I must be under because I never had time for myself. I remembering looking at her strangely, much like the established home educating mothers looked at me when I first started. Maybe I should tell her that she needs to relax...............

 

Clairexxxxx

A Brief Guide to Parenting a Child with Dyspraxia

As a local co ordinator for the Dyspraxia Foundation, I have recently had a few enquiries from parents whose children have been diagnosed with Dyspraxia who wish to know what to do next.

This has had me stumped for a few minutes as I rack my brains trying to remember what I did when the boy was diagnosed and I am sure that every child and family's situation is different so what I did may not hold much significance for the parent I am listening to. Our journey to diagnosis had been filled with a lot of personal  anxiety that somehow our parenting was to blame as the struggles to manage the boys meltdowns brought us to the doctor's door. Others arrive via school  due to co ordination difficulties. Occupational therapy or speech therapy as a result of the diagnosis may have been offered so there are opportunities to discuss the diagnosis and plan with health care practitioners a way forward. Yet the hows and whats about living with dyspraxia probably won't be discussed in appointments so what  then? 

 

Here are some ideas to get you started. Remember that initially you may need time to adjust and process what Dyspraxia will mean to you and your family. I remember feeling shell shocked when the boy was diagnosed with Aspergers, even though I suspected that he was on the spectrum, to have it actually confirmed was still a shock. The Dyspraxia diagnosis came as more of a relief that I was not going mad.

 

1. Read, read and read: as you know I always read around the subject and I do remember taking a pile of books out of the local library. Authors such as Amanda Kirby, Mary Colley are well renowned experts, Victoria Biggs is also a good read because she delivers a personal account of living with Dyspraxia, my husband who tends to leave the reading to me, found her book very helpful. I found the books particularly beneficial because after a few years of worrying that I was being paranoid and that my experiences were individual to me only, it was a huge comfort to find these described in the pages I was reading.

 

2. Build your circle of support; Hooray, we have a group in Hampshire now and our first meeting gave much neeeded opportunity to share experiences and relief that we are not as isolated as we thought. I have certainly felt alone at times, just longing for an understanding ear thats linked to an empathetic mouth rather than the usual "he'll grow out of it, you need to make him join a club, or play sport" reaction that I sometimes get. Find your local support group by contacting the Dyspraxia Foundation. That feeling of being believed, supported and never judged is indescribable.

 

Family and friends are invaluable too. However I have found that whilst I want to read and expand my knowledge about Dyspraxia,  my husband prefers to hear about it via seminars, articles on the radio and easier books. Other relatives, although they know that the boy is dyspraxic, prefer to treat him as they always have done and are just very understanding if he does not want to join in an activity. They feel that they do not need any further information.

 

Those that are not interested, sympathetic or do not believe that Dyspraxia exists, well refer to the above circle of support,  they are your allies.  Remember that Dyspraxia is not as well understood as other conditions and if there is little opportunity to inform, spare your precious energy. Sadly for some people, helping children in need basically relates to baking a few cupcakes and seling them once a year for the BBC organised event. My boy in particular challenges beliefs about school attendance whilst his obsession with  computer gaming is portrayed negatively by some of the tabloids thus we have been targets for supposed well meaning judgemental comments and we have had arguments with other people too. We are very selective about who is in our circle.

 

 

3. Identity the key areas where your child struggles and use resources from the Dyspraxia Foundation to help you and your child manage. Time and time again I have looked up how to help the boy when he reaches developmental milestones from riding a bike to starting secondary school. There is information for teachers too and you may find that you are teaching them (the teachers) to begin with if they have not had previous experience. This does feel very disheartening and worrying but communication about your child is paramount and will certainly help you feel more in control so that unnecessary incidents are avoided. If you are home educating, you are in the fortunate position to be able to totally adapt your child's education to support his needs. There are also some amazing sites that can support with this. The link below is for a facebook group that I relied upon a lot during our home education days. Don't forget that you could also apply for the EHC plan if you are home educating too so that you can receive support from the local authority. The group also is a good place to find out more about this

 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/332898013464344/?fref=ts

 

4. Look after yourself.  I can not say this enough. We have all heard that on a plane, parents need the oxygen masks on first before the child and I think this analogy is so relevant to staying strong and coping with a child that has dyspraxia. Again it all depends on the individual experience, but I have had great days and there are times when the boy has been so anxious it has taken all of my emotional energy to move him into doing something that I am left too frazzled to take part in the experience with him or continue with my day.  We went away recently and he was fretting because there would be no  internet. He had tummy upsets, he wanted to know exactly what was going to happen whilst we were away and even told me that he didn't want me sitting around reading my book because I could do that at home. He struggled with the concept that it was also a little holiday for me and I wanted to relax a bit. When we went for a walk, initially he didn't want to walk alongside his father and sister, he just wanted me, all of my attention was taken up listening to him chatting away. A day or so later and he had relaxed enough to be more independent and not so needy. We met up with relatives and they were so impressed with how well he was doing, which was great but inside I was absolutely exhausted and needed another holiday! The family dynamics and the emotional effort of parents is eloquently described by Gill Dixon in her book, Dyspraxia the Foundations. Again it is reassuring to know that I am not alone in how I feel. The boy is particularly sensitive to my moods so it is doubly  important that time is taken to indulge in exercise or my favourite hobbies so that I feel emotionally well equipped to care for him and his sister.

 

I hope that this has been helpful. There is a good supportive community out there and for those who are not affected by Dyspraxia a smile, nod and a hug works wonders if you meet anyone who is.

 

Clairexxxxx

 

 

Tiny Sparks

Received the dreaded phone call last week, from the Saint who stated that I need to go and meet with her this week to discuss increasing the boy's attendance. Oh how my lovely little bubble of feeling all was well was popped. Of course he needs to increase it, he can not get very far in life on two mornings a week, but I wonder what their goals are?

I am sure that I will be told that there are other children that qualify for his space within the unit and that could attend full time. I am also sure that I will be told that he is a very clever lad who needs the lessons so that he can achieve their recommended number of GCSES. Maybe I could play some type of Bingo in the meeting whereby I tick off the above sentences when they are spoken to me.

Time marches on far too quickly for the boy. In two years time we will be looking at colleges for him to attend once he has finished his GCSEs. He is adamant that he does not want to spend any longer in education than necessary, unfortunately for him and us it looks as if the battles of trying to get him motivated and engaged aren't over yet. Year 7 was so awful in terms of him becoming unwell that I feel we lost a year. It then took another year to help him recover sufficiently to get him into the unit but his health has then fluctuated due to the stress of starting somewhere new, coping with the noises and other students in his class. His sleep is all over the place, because we changed the medication to bedtime so that his nerves were better under control when he woke up. He has only  just started again to suggest activities that he wants to do when he is not at school, so he is no longer totally wiped out by attending those two mornings. It is a bit of a roller coaster where his energy is concerned. I feel as if I am playing catch up all of the time.

The boy has hated school all his life and as a consequence the misery of getting him in has not made our life a bed of roses either. The thought of having to go through the battles again to get him in just fill me with dread. Life was so easy when I home educated him and yes I can hear you ask why don't I do it again? Can I tell you that I have already noted the picture of the "alternative " provision leader at the school which he attends? She looks really nice. I do not feel so scared if we have to go down that route. I have heard that resources such as "blended learning" exist whereby work and materials are sent from the school. This is my Plan B, locked in a dark chest somewhere in the back of my mind just waiting for me should I need it. I have negotiated my way through harsh educational bureaucracy up until now and I am no longer afraid of being creative in order to ensure that he is educated but most importantly kept well emotionally.

Plan A, well currently the boy will also meet with the Saint and say what he feels he can do and then build from there. He had already muttered to me about increasing his hours before the phone call as he likes it there and feels comfortable. There is a small chance that this could work. I have found that if I keep quiet and not talk too much about school and my own expectations of him, he will initiate meeting his goals himself. There needs to be no talk of rewards, no lectures about the rest of his life, just an acknowledging nod and a smile so that  his tiny tiny spark is not extinguished by over enthusiasm. I just hope like mad that this is enough. My patience is certainly being tested!


Now for a corny moment, hope you guys don't mind, it is something that I have been longing to do for ages on this blog so here goes:

My sister and I during a rather dark 2013 started to send each other songs of the week to help us make sense of the craziness that was at times suffocating us. The songs could motivate us, put our feelings into words or cope with  strong emotions.

Hence my song this week is "Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce Springsteen. My gym instructor has been having the class dance to this for the last three weeks and it is a song very close to my heart. Not so much in a starting a relationship perspective but it just takes a small action to start a change. I do not know where my actions will lead, but I am willing to try rather than wait for it to happen to me. So far this has proved rather exciting and not at all the disaster that I had anticipated!

Enjoy, Clairexxxx

Once you have met one dyspraxic, you have met one dyspraxic

Well hello again! It's been a long time since I last blogged, however I have been involved in a few activities increasing awareness of dyspraxia which have taken up a lot of energy so as ever the subject is never far from my mind.

Where to begin, well last week I presented a quick presentation to my colleagues about Dyspraxia and how we as Health Visitors can identify it earlier and start supporting families affected by it. There was so much to say and I didn't want to deliver it from a professional viewpoint because I felt that would make it something that existed in a world where we looked in from time to time. There are also a lot of changes locally within our NHS trust that aim to improve services for the clients and thus I felt that last week was an ideal time to tell managers how it is for families affected by Dyspraxia and how these changes could improve day to day life for them.

The day before the presentation, our local radio station was presenting a piece about "clumsiness" and the Dyspraxia foundation contacted me to speak about it on the show. Unfortunately ( well actually thankfully) I was not at home when they phoned, so the Vice Chair stepped in. The link for the show is here

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02jm6p1 The piece starts after Cold Play's song at about 31 minutes.

In the show the Vice Chair, Gill Dixon speaks about the variety of symptoms that Dyspraxia covers and the huge difference as to how people present. She stated that once you have met one dyspraxic, you have met one dyspraxic and this sentence really resonated me with over the last few weeks.

When I tried to organise my presentation, I was amazed at the amount of discussion that exists regarding just the diagnosis. The medical profession tend to refer to it as DCD (Developmental Co ordination Delay) but there are suggestions that this tends to focus too much on the delay in movement skills rather than the emotional and planning aspects too. I also read somewhere that the diagnosis of Dyspraxia is not given by some professionals because a condition that covers just so many symptoms is not possible. I have observed on a Facebook page that I am part of that some paediatricians are now just diagnosing joint hypermobility syndrome instead because they can only give one diagnosis, most bizarre and something I will query because I would hate to confuse people anymore than necessary.

Later on in the week, my son was queried by the Saint and the rest of his teachers because they thought he was dyslexic rather than dyspraxic. His spelling was showing some worrying patterns despite his amazing ability to read. The Saint asked if he could tie his shoe laces and school tie, to which I replied that he could, he could also ride a bike and swim too. As I left, I panicked that maybe he was not dyspraxic after all, which then made me query the whole validity of getting him diagnosed, I had been treating him wrong all these years, never mind the blogging and all the other involvement that I have had with Dyspraxia!

At the weekend, we went shopping, the boy as ever clambered onto the escalator after waiting for the right moment and clung on to the rail for dear life with both hands as we descended. Yup, I thought to myself you are dyspraxic, no doubt about that.

Our local support group also met recently for the first time. Not many were able to make it but those that did, I feel benefitted as did I to be able to share stories and experiences. The children and adults had had a range of symptoms which again aligned with what Gill had stated. There were also sadly tales of the difficulties experienced in getting the vital help and support from health services and education. It still is a very poorly understood condition, unlike dyslexia and this appears to be nationwide. I worry about parents that do not have the confidence to challenge professionals or access services independently and I am in a privellidged position as a Health Visitor that  I can speak up for those that I meet. I have also come to realise that it is not just about getting the diagnosis, its more important that there are strategies to enable the child and family to be able to function and feel that others are understanding around them so they do not feel isolated and worthless. I remember only too well, when we were told about the boy, that  I still did not know how to get him into school and manage his meltdowns. I just wanted that information, nothing else.

As I have stated in previous posts it is the support groups, Facebook groups that often reassure and give you the strength and insight as to how to carry on when you are coping with a meltdown due to a spontaneous change in routine or you just need advice as to where to buy special cutlery from. I really hope that alongside other bloggers and the Dyspraxia Foundation it won't be long before families and people with the condition feel that they are supported and life isn't such a big struggle at times. I am sure that we will get there someday.

A balancing act.

Had one of those conversations with the boy last night that made me again acknowledge his level of dyspraxia. He was lying in bed and I asked if he wanted the door closed to which he replied that he needed some of the light from the landing so that he knew which way round he was lying!

I pointed out to him that he has been lying in the same direction for pretty much a year now, as we changed beds last spring. Surely by now he knew where his head was, this was not the case. We had a little chuckle that he was soooooooooooooo dyspraxic, quite a common phrase in our house and I bade him goodnight.

Isn't it amazing that something so instinctive for me and all of us neurotypical people out there is missing in people with dyspraxia? The boy for years has always required a light at night time so that he knows where he is, something that until recently I could not understand. When he sleeps in other people's houses the difficulties are further increased, he has fallen out of bed a few times because he can not feel where he is in relation to the bed.

The skill that we have in order to know where our body is, is called kinesthetic awareness. This relates to the information from the senses which inform us about our body, where the parts are, the space between our body and objects around . It can also tell us about the direction we are moving in and where our bodies end and the world begins. Whenever the boy had a growth spurt he would become particularly clumsy as he would need to learn that his legs were a bit longer which would then require him to concentrate more on  moving them so that he would not fall over.

Before he was diagnosed with Dyspraxia, the boy was seen by an occupational therapist who diagnosed him with Sensory Integrative  Processing Disorder. There is a wealth of information about this and I could describe it in more detail but I feel if I describe it as how it affects the boy, it will be clearer.The boys body recieves incorrect information from his muscles, hearing, vestibular and tactile senses which means that his development is skewed because he responds to stimuli differently. The visual sense is another route that can be affected too within this disorder. Children can also be high seeking so they want activities that require lots of stimulation ie rough housing, loud noises, fast swinging so that they can get the appropriate amount of feedback to their bodies. Or, like the boy they can be low seeking which means they avoid most playground apparatus, parties, brightly lit places, any type of physical contact because their senses are overloaded. Because of the misinformation,  the boy's body learnt to adapt his responses as he felt would be correct for him. This means that although he responds differently he gets to the same place as everyone else, just in a different way.

So something like holding a pencil for example needs him to ascertain how hard to grip it. He is over sensitive to touch,so  he would hold it too lightly but then that would mean it wouldn't be enough pressure to make a mark on the paper, so he would need to reprocess it all again so he could then function to use it. However his motor skills are affected too, so he would need to work harder to manoeuvre the pencil properly to write. Oh  hang on, he can't balance either to sit on a chair and write at the same time,  so more energy is needed to keep him upright, the pencil and paper still and now he is expected to look up at a board and copy whilst managing everything else. Who would have thought it could take so much work? Add to this  a lower sense of self esteem as they observe their peers manage everyday tasks effortlessly and it is clearly obvious why intervention is needed early.

For a while,  he had occupational therapy to help stimulate his senses properly. He would sit on a large swing in the middle of the room and be pushed to help him gain more control over his balance or his limbs would be brushed to help him desensitise. When he was in year 6, he decided that he didn't want to be different from his peers so the therapy stopped. I now slip the therapy  discretely into his daily activities, such as a weighted blanket on his bed so that he can get the correct feedback from his body when in bed and I also get him to carry heavy shopping bags to stimulate his muscles. We have muddy dog walks where he has to walk on uneven ground,  walk along logs to avoid boggy areas the whole time stimulating his balance (vestibular) senses.

The whole time then, these children with Dyspraxia are concentrating harder because of having to filter out incorrect information about their environment and then they need to plan and organise how to respond appropriately.  In my boy's case this even needs to happen when he's in bed! No wonder he's tired.

Let It Go!

I want to sing this blog to the very popular song from Frozen, however the thing that I need to let go does not resonate around me concealing my feelings and challenging everybody else....that was last year!

 

So, the Saint was off sick last week along with the boy's other teaching assistant. Disaster. He is currently attending two mornings a week, which has been wholly supported by the teachers. It has been heart warming to come and collect him and observe him interacting with them and he has been very positive about the other pupils there as well. When I heard the news that the teachers were off sick, I in all my non dyspraxic, non Aspergers innocence thought well that's not too bad, he can still go in, after all, its only three hours and all of the other teachers are lovely.

 

Wrong, Wrong , WRONG! No Mrs Quirky, your son has Dyspraxia and Aspergers, he can not possibly cope with change of teachers especially during this particularly sensitive period of adjusting to a new routine.

 

 Eh? Surely he can manage a little bit, c'mon, it's not as if he has to cope with a class full of kids is it? There must be some bounce in him somewhere. Apparently not.

 

So he had the week off.

 

There is a part of me that finds it hard to explain why my son is struggling in the  best specialist  unit in the city. Despite him being on anti depressants and having these diagnoses, I sometimes see a cheeky 13 year old lad who is bunking off school. I really feel that he should have a limb wrapped in plaster just to remind me that I need to be patient and understanding. No wonder people with mental health illnesses struggle so much. The boy even moaned that I was not a good advocate for the Dyspraxia Foundation if I couldn't even listen to him properly.

 

The Saint phoned me up this morning to let me know that she was back at work and looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow. I admitted to her that I had been a bit like a bull in a china shop  in trying to encourage some contact with education and she reassured me that the boys behaviour was normal for his condition and that the other pupils had been just the same. She did not want to rush him like he had been previously because that's what had ruined his school attendance before. It dawned on me that if I kept poking and prodding him in all of my eagerness, it would mess up the Saint's fantastic work with him. Maybe I was underestimating the amount of effort that it took for him to attend. Looking back, we have seen him do well at something like sailing and innocently encourage him to do a bit more to find that he drops out completely, there just is not enough energy to meet the challenge. We then witnessed the same behaviour with horse riding, cubs, guitar lessons, hockey and so on. Quite clearly, there is a very limited amount of bounce.

 

The boy has remarked as well that he feels that our affections for him are entirely based on whether he attends school. That is not what I want him to feel, unfortunately he does not seem to notice the never ending supply of hot milk, crumpets, pocket money and loving words that come his way as well. It is very difficult as stated a million times before in this blog to accept the deviation from the normal path of parenting and I imagine myself writing lines as a punishment every time I react in surprise that he does not respond to situations as I would have expected. The L plates are still firmly attached!

 

I also  never anticipated that I would have a child whose inner motivation goes  against the grain of how I would normally parent in regards to praise and encouragement. I think that has been the most bitter pill to swallow. There has been articles in the parenting press recently about the "dangers" of over praising in that the child is anxious about their performance at an activity rather than the taking part. I try not to go overboard in my encouragement and I certainly do not demand that my children achieve top marks in all subjects. The irony is now I am trying not to be an over anxious parent which increases my anxiety even more!

 

So, I am letting go of the rope that binds me to the anxiety of him engaging with the education system. The Saint knows what she is doing and I do not want to make her work harder. I am most fortunate that I can faithfully pass the worries to her. I promise to look interested peers in the eye and say that yes the boy is doing fine on X amount of hours per week and be 100% behind him. Just need to let go.........................................