And......relax

Fighting the Anxiety Monster part 2.

A while ago, I read this article by Dr Tanya Byron and it really struck a chord with me.

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/health/child-health/article4020135.ece

At the time we had been through the CAMHs system with the boy and felt her frustrations at the lack of priority we had been given when we needed help so urgently.

I have often marvelled at parents who do lots of activities with their children. I always felt very lazy,  as the boy had the odd hobby and the girl has her dancing, but some of my peers were out every night and weekend with various competitions and activities. Both of the children, especially the boy, love their technology and media so would prefer to spend time with these instead. We have a dog, so they do get out for a walk and they can walk for ages so I felt less guilty about that, but I would often desperately try and encourage them to join in other activities or put time controls on the computer so they would do something else instead.

Until I got my sewing machine. Suddenly,  here was something I loved to do and I would feel extremely cross that I would be expected to stop sewing and make dinner.  I remembered how I would read as a child, so much that my Dad would hide my book so that I would socialise and I thought about how frustrated that made me feel. Was it right to control my childrens free time as well?

I read on some home education blogs about how time on the computer is controlled and the tantrums not to mention sneaky tactics employed by the children to get it back were rather scary. Another blog advocated letting the child choose and this is something that I do. Much to the horror of other parents.  However both of my kids are well behaved, sleep 10 hours a night, eat all their meals with us and join in with activities,  chores that I ask them to. Like me with the sewing machine, they too can break away, reluctantly at times to do something else. The boy is a bit of a geek,  so the games that he plays are not your average violent Call Of Duty type. He gets very fed up with the portrayal by the media that gamers are associated with.

I digress. So since I have been less controlling over the childrens time, the ambience in the home has been bliss. They probably interact with me more now because they get bored and want to do something else. Even the boy has been known to ask about a dog walk in the afternoon. I have applied this with caution though, which introduces one of my all time favourite parenting experts that has changed how I parent the kids. Dr Laura Markham,  wrote Peaceful Parenting and writes the Aha parenting blog which always makes sense. I struggled with reward charts and again I always considered it to be anothet method of control. Since reading Dr Laura, the relationship I have with the children has improved no end as has their behaviour too.

I will talk about it more another time, but for now here is a link to an article that I read yesterday that spoke so clearly to me about the girl and the Anxiety Monster.  This half term has been 8 weeks long, she has worked hard and its time for her to chill out and enjoy having her time to herself again. No timetables, no following someone elses agenda, just time to be her again.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/11_Ways_Your_Child_Loses_When_You_Rush_Him/